Sexy Fruitz

Lessons I learned from being a Parent

2008-01-10T21:08:00.000-05:00

You know, I thought I knew a trick or two since I decided to have kids later in life. Older and wiser right? (I know - funny, eh?) Well, here's what I've learnt so far.

Kids don't get tired - they are energy vampires who suck your energy.
You could be comatose, too tired to cry from exhaustion and there's your kid, happily jumping on you or sticking fingers in your ear.

You don't know what patience is until you have kids.
You can't be mad at the little mite, he's sick, or hungry or needs a diaper change - for the four millionth time! Funny enough this new saintly patience doesn't apply to your partner, which leads me to the next lesson.

You will fight more with your partner. ALOT more.
Your partner could just walk into a room and the way he walks/breathes/looks at you just irritates the hell out of you. You see, all the patience is really you transfering your fustration to the closest victim. Sucks to be them. But sucks to be us too since we're too tired for the makeup sex anyway!

Mom/Family member/Friend thinks you are wrong and they are right.
All that advice from when you were pregnant pales in comparison to the advice they have for you now! "Honey, I think he's hungry, go feed him" "Don't you think he's gaining too much/too little weight?" "He should be eating solids by now right?" Don't worry - agree to anything and then tune them out.

Sleep is a luxury that is wasted on the childless.
Bastards.

And on that note - I am off to sleep.

Eczema sucks - natch!

2007-12-29T08:20:00.001-05:00

It's been 7 months since i posted anything so i will sum up:

-gave birth June 6 2007
-It was 36 hours long
-I didn't take the epidural
-Did I mention it was 36 hours long?
-Aidan John was born weighing a paltry 11 lbs 9.7oz
-Mom's first thought after hearing Aidan's weight
"I squeezed THAT out of my lala?!"
-At 3 months Aidan gets eczema and it sucks, yo.
-Because I'm breastfeeding tried eating no wheat/grains, eggs, milk
basically anything good and yummy.
-Don't manage to sleep for longer than 4 hrs for another 5 months
-At 6 months Aidan decides to sleep even shorter intervals at night.
-Yesterday I had my first regular meal while feeding Aidan stored milk
-Had a fave - egg tart. it was too sweet. have i gone off sweets?
OH MY GAWD, NOOooooooooooo!

Things NOT to tell/do to a Pregnant Woman

2007-05-23T15:39:00.000-04:00

I know people mean well. I know people love babies and a pregnant woman is a blessing and exciting. but please please please think before you act!

#1
Comment: "Wow, you are HUGE!"
Mama2be thinks: "Are you saying i'm fat?"

#2
Comment: "Wow, are you expecting TWINS?!"
Mama2be thinks: "You ARE saying i'm fat!"

#3
Action: Complete stranger walks up and starts rubbing your belly while cooing
Mama2be thinks: Assault charges / Reporting you to HR

#4
Comment: "You are wide so you must be expecting a girl!"
Mama2be thinks: "Ultrasound says it's a boy"

#5
Comment: "Not long now!!!! You must be scared/nervous!"
Mama2be thinks: "Oh is it that close? Hadn't noticed."

#6
Comment: "You are due in June? I don't think you are going to make it - the doctor got the date wrong"
Mama2be thinks: "Okay then, show me your medical degree Ms. Costco Cashier"

Return from UKland

2006-12-30T16:54:00.000-05:00

A couple of questions arose from my UK visit.
In no particular order.

1. Can one really be out-Sunday roasted during the hols?
2. Are sprouts mini cabbages?
3. Why are there so many hills in Brighton?
4. Afternoon tea's so expensive so why the tiny sandwiches?
5. England's damp and wet yet no one has decent heating?
6. Where the deuce did all the orange Tango go?!
7. Why is prawn toast only available in the UK?
8. Why are there no basements in UK homes?
9. Isn't moss on your roof bad?
10. Why is there only one toilet for all 4 floors of Harrods?

Going to England - screw the rest

2006-10-05T20:30:00.000-04:00

So some meh things happened to me recently.

- Brampton = meh, @#$^%#
- Did Tae Bo / in pain now = meh, ow
- Didn't get a position I applied for = meh meh
- Bunnies ran away = meh, sniff
- Found bunny skin on front lawn = wah!!!
- Gran-in-law passed away = R.I.P
- Gran diagnosed with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's = sigh

Some woot things happened to me as well

- Got permanent position in Brampton = woot, cash!
- Brother-in-law visiting in May 2007 = woot, UK loot!
- Have a secret but can't tell anyone yet = woot, heh heh!
- Going to UK for Xmas = woot, travel!

Now just need to win the lottery and i'm set!

Endorsement du Jour: Watch Crank

Ok go - Rock yer treadmills

2006-08-04T23:45:00.000-04:00

Ok go seems at first like your usual coolhookiliketosingalong pop/rock band but there is one
thing they have that many other bands don't have and that's a killer choreographer sister.
Watch their latest - "Here it goes again" at http://youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI -- you will never look at treadmills the same again.

While you are at it watch their infamous "Million ways to be cruel" vid as well!

Gird yer loins!

2006-07-16T06:43:00.000-04:00

I DID IT!!!! I PASSED MY DRIVERS TEST!

I know!!! its like a minor miracle.
Actually I thought I had failed because a stupid Wonder Bread truck was parked and stopped right in the middle of where I had to drive then it moved to the side but as I was passing it decided to REVERSE!!! I was about to stop when the driving examiner stamped on the brake and honked my horn. LORD! I thought - thats it. I failed so the rest of the time I drove without nerves since I knew the outcome. Though nearing the end I almost forgot the wonder bread truck and got really nervous with my parallel parking and reverse parking. But I still passed!
Hurray me!! Now I can drive to Brampton. Booooo.....!

Mystery Boy, me and Neil..

2006-06-24T22:07:00.000-04:00

It was sometime during my early university days.
I found out Neil Gaiman was going to do a book signing in the Silver Snail downtown (Toronto). I got there and dutifully lined up. Unlike my shy self I struck up a conversation with a guy and another girl. We talked of Sandman and bands. We finally got to meet our hero and the guy produced a camera (which in my hurry I forgot to bring). So I got a picture taken with Neil. I was dressed up rather Death like which I was rather proud of. Not only dressed in black and eyes heavily lined with black, I had my shiny new Doc Martens. After that we all went our own ways and I got the number of the guy who promised to contact me when he got the pictures developed. Somehow it sounded like an excuse eventhough there was a valid reason for him to call me. Well I saw that guy only one time afterwards - he gave me this tape of this band he kept going on about. Turned out to be the Stone Roses. It was nothing like anything i'd heard of before. The Manchester scene was just arriving to Canada and it was exciting and new. Never did got to see my picture or that guy again. Don't even recall his name. Shamefully I was a bit turned off since it was obvious he fancied me and being admired wasn't something I could really deal with. Now being a bit more mature I can deal with folks no matter what their baggage...But still. I wished i'd seen that picture of the me and neil.

Separated at birth?

2006-06-14T00:26:00.000-04:00

Is it just me or...

Is the Trinidad coach channelling Andy Griffith?

Or Mel Gibson related to the Unabomber and Saddam?

Bunny Update

2006-06-10T22:49:00.000-04:00

I (Bunny 3 of ?) have been born just a short while.
During this time I have been.

- Dug up by a big 4legged monster
- Handled by some bigger monsters
- Stepped on twice by another 4legged monster
- Dug up AGAIN by the other monster
- Roughly dropped on the lawn by previous monster
- Handled again by the other monsters
- Kicked out by my litter mates
- Put back in by the other monsters

And i'm barely one week old!

At least now I have some fur to keep my warm and my eyes have opened. I don't know how many siblings I've got since we're so crowded down in our burrow but the count has now gone up to 4.

I don't know if I can take 6 more weeks of this!

Squeak! Squeak! - What the?!?!

2006-06-06T21:09:00.000-04:00

The following happened between the hours of 11am to 12pm...

-Richard is mowing the lawn
-Mia our dog sniffs the grass and starts to dig
-Richard hears frantic squeaking
-Richard turns around to find two naked squirming *somethings* on our lawn

Turns out we have a nest of Eastern Cottontails in our backyard (god bless the internet).
We have seen wild rabbits around but never thought that they could actually establish a nest on our lawn! We were hestitant to touch the poor things for fear that the returning mother would reject the babies. But I figured they were better off in the nest rather than baking in the hot sun. I check occasionally to see if the mother has returned or the babies have been kicked out of the nest but I can't see much aside from furry nest material and frankly I don't want to disturb them. If all goes well in about 3 weeks they will have been weaned and at 7 weeks they should leave the nest. During that time we are going to have to watch Mia like a hawk - she's far too curious to be trusted.

Top 10 reasons to move to Canada, eh?

2006-05-08T19:30:00.000-04:00

A friend of my hubby's is coming to visit with the intention to "scope" out Canada as a potential "move to - habitational place thing, yeah".

Had I known I'd given him this list and saved him some cash!

Top 10 Reasons to move to Canada, eh?
#1 - I'm here already - natch.
#2 - It is legal for women to go topless in the streets of Toronto
#3 - Movies come out here first THEN as an afterthought - in Europe
#4 - You can say "eh?" at the end of every sentence, eh?
#5 - Our beer tastes better than American (peepee) beer
#6 - We made Celine Dion move to Vegas (PS America can keep her!)
#7 - Coldplay AND the Stones say Toronto is their favourite city (We can't be all that bad, eh?)
#8 - Canucks are friendly and like to drink! (Like the English - only our teeth are straighter)
#9 - Wolverine is a Canadian, eh? Ok, bub? Skint!
#10 - It's not America!

Brampton?! Where's dat?

2006-02-19T07:15:00.000-05:00

*Sigh*

Okay, so I'm on project at my company's downtown office. Everything is lovely. Better cafe, better hours, no working on weekends.. I'm laughing right? I've been downtown for 7 months. Then the higher brass decides. "Oh, lets move the whole (friggin') team up to (friggin') Brampton and nevermind the (friggin') commute for our peeps!"

Oh...CRAP!

I live in Ajax. It's in Toronto suburbia. Hard enough to get downtown but now they want me to go WHERE? So here's the problem. I could move closer to the Brampton office but i'm on project. Meaning my director could say at anytime. "Jen, we have no more work for you please go back to your old office" in which case I'd of moved for NOTHING. Being on project means also i'm spending more cash for transportation. Also HOW the hell am i going to get there? I really don't fancy returning to my old office and having to be a phone monkey again but at least its closer?

So which should it be? less cash / further to go / less job stress in Brampton? or More cash / less agro to get to / more job stress. The evil thing is the director said there are "job opportunities" at Brampton - making it sound like I could have a permanent job there if i stick around long enough. Only problem is.. he's no longer my director!! My new director just came in from Sprint Canada!

Gaaahhhhh.....

Knit-fest 2005

2005-12-12T19:58:00.000-05:00

My hands are cramping, my back is sore.. it must be Knit-fest 2005!

Why did I think i could make some scarves for people i'm too poor to buy xmas pressies for?
Yes, its the thought that counts and all but dammit its thought that makes me SORE!

New flash - why are we poor? oh we went to Hawaii for our honeymoon... (oooh, ahhh) I know its SO done but it was still beau-ti-ful. I wish we had their weather right now. Richard went off to walk the dogs and tonight it's going to be -26C with the windchill. Hmm, balmy? methinks not. Btw seeing a Hawaiian Walmart bedecked with Xmas decor and gift ideas is a strange sight - especially if you are walking around in flipflops, shorts and shades :)

Fa la la la laaa la la la fooey.
~jene

Diet spam

2005-10-12T23:37:00.000-04:00

Hrm.. been a while and I return to find spam in my comments.

Dammit!

So now I have word verification on ~ better late then never I guess.

PS Neil Gaiman was in town promoting his new book. Lord, he looks like he's made a Faustan deal with the devil since the man does...not...age!!!

PPS Got married.. hurrah! Total weight lost was 31 lbs.

PPPS Gained 8 lbs the wk after! (WAHHHH)

Weight & Wait...!

2005-04-19T23:06:00.000-04:00

Weight: -24lbs! Mood: Tired

Yes, I have lost that much - I've been off and on this diet since Feb 1st and averaging 2.18 lbs a week. Not bad for someone who loves to eat junk. Some things that amaze me:

I have fallen in love with clothes again! They fit now! My old clothes are loose and fall off me! Hurrah!
Coke is out! I love Diet Pepsi! & that's a minor miracle since I use to hate anything diet.
I now have gym guilt if I miss even one day! Whoa.
I am trying to train myself to run on the treadmill - I hate running but if it means I can fit in my wedding dress...
Used the excuse "I need it for the gym! You have to be supportive!" rather well - Got me a new mp3 player! :P

Food Naughtiness du jour:

Todays diet consisted of high carb cereal for breakfast, pizza for lunch, swiss chalet chicken & fries for dinner. I'm afraid to get on the scale tomorrow morning - wah!

-10+2 = DAMMIT!

2005-02-25T23:18:00.000-05:00

40-30-30 Fat flush...or Death by Veggies?
Mood: Depressed

So I've done the 21 day fat flush diet. And I have gotten to know myself, my body and my partner(who was on the same diet) a little better.

Some "Pearls of Wisdom" about this diet:
-You will have no life. Your life will consist of preparing, cooking, eating, washing up, preparing lunch, cooking, eating... you see where i am going?
-There will be veggies and LOTS of it. Expect to bleed veggies.
-No bread, potatoes, pasta or rice. Rice cakes start to look REAL good....
-We cheated once and the Scale gods were not amused. We didn't lose for a couple of days. WE BOW TO YOU OH GREAT SCALE GOD!

Also if you get off the diet don't eat pancakes ;) Richard gained 4.5 pounds in 1 day!

LOL

~j

Bridgit Jones' Diet Diary?

2005-01-31T13:28:00.000-05:00

Weight: hahaha! Mood: gloomy

Yes, the time honour tradition has begun..The Bridal Diet (tm) !

*sigh* the count down has begun and I even have my squishy bridegroom on it too. The only light at the end of our fatty tunnel is - after the wedding we are going to PIG OUT! We even have begun a list of things we are going to eat once we have our perfect Brad Pitt and ~~Jennifer Aniston~~, Angelina Jolie bodies!

Breakfast
-Pancakes, with syrup and butter.. I don't even like butter on my pancakes!
-Crispy Kreme Donuts
-Washed down with chocolate milk and coke. A whole case!

Its all every tentative but I think we can do even more damage with lunch! Stay tuned!

~j

Revenge of Anti-Bridezilla!

2005-01-13T01:10:00.000-05:00

I am here to announce to the world that though I am getting (gasp!) married this September - I am not Bridezilla. Oh far from it.

However I can see my mother slowly become the Mother of the Anti-Bridezilla! For everything I am relaxed, indifferent about - my mom definitely has an opinion.

Exhibit A: Trying on wedding dresses ~ in front of mirror
Mom: Lets get you a tiara.
Me: Ma, I don't need a tiara...
Mom: YES, YOU DO!!!!
*storms off to find a tiara*

I guess since I am her only daughter she feels this is the one and only time she will experience this life changing moment so for now I think it is all very funny. Check with me again when she starts insisting that the gift table should be draped with chiffon and not mesh and the fish forks are OMIGOD NOT ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE DINNER PLATE! LOL

Until I found my dress at a bridal show, I was blaise about the whole mythos of THE wedding dress. I've heard a couple of girls squeal "OMIGOD, THIS IS MY DRESS!" and being cynical I sniggered at them. In the end I did find my wedding dress - eventhough it was my mother who said "This is the dress!" and not me. I must admit when she said she was buying my wedding dress I started to cry. Why? Yes, I hate crying - I feel a little too vulnerable and that scares me. But I thought - not only was this a beautiful and generous gesture but her actions made something become so shockingly real:

I am getting married and I just found my wedding dress.

Gracias Mama!

~j

The Evil Deeds of a DVD Pirate

2004-12-12T06:52:00.000-05:00

Being a lapsed Catholic I know guilt very well and thats what I feel whenever I burn/copy a DVD. Even downloading DivX causes me to pause. However I will present a couple of points to convince you (and me?) that its not as bad as you think.

1-Raising prices of cineplexes: Your choices are almost $50 for a night for two at the movies or albeit cheaper prices at a smaller theatre but you contend with a sore back and gum on your chair after 2 hours.

2-Waste of money factor: Ever watch a movie that was so bad you felt the need to get up and leave but since you paid $50 you didn't want to waste your money? (Oh sure they SAY you can get a refund but only after the first 15 mins of the movie start - INCLUDING trailers.)

3-Line ups from Hell: A few examples - lining up in the cold, lining up with people trying to butt in, lining up in the wrong line up then having to line up all over again!

4-Shhhh!!: My dad had a lady talk all the way thru a movie on her cellphone, if that wasn't bad enough she was telling them that they didn't even like the movie! I saw two guys almost come to blows because the other was being a loud obnoxious prat the other was shh-ing him equally as loudly. Who's worse? the Shh-er or the Shh-ee?

Now I usually download a couple of crap captures - Telesync/Cam as its known - and its horrible - with people crossing in front of the camera and weird angles but i don't mind. If i like what I (manage to) see then I go to the movies - or at least buy it in DVD.

With all the cash the mega studios make in movies/dvd/vhs/merchandise sales you'd think that a "preview" like a Telesync would be appreicated nay welcomed to get some extra Buzz out there.

Thats just my two pence.

~j

Weekend from Hell. (it just goes on & on & on)

2004-09-06T23:06:00.000-04:00

Ok.

Sometimes I secretly think...what if we did return Stirling and Mia back to the shelter - our lives were so much quieter, neater and wet dog smell free. But I look at their happy faces when I come home and the funny positions they get into when sleeping and I can't imagine our lives without them.

That said - we were sorely tempted this weekend because they ate the left over BBQ we (a party of 5) totally forgot to put it away when we went to the Casino - (tho' secretly everyone thinks its my mom's fault. heh). So that done the next day Stirling has the runs. and omigod not only does he go on the carpet while Richard was picking me up from work but he went also in the middle of the night. ARGH! why the new rug!?! If only he had opposable thumbs so he could work the patio door himself. The next day he makes it outside but does the deed in my vegetable patch!!! (SOB)

Well we know its not his fault - we have only ourselves to blame (well mom anyway. heh).

~j

Mamma Mia! aka WTF?!?

2004-08-15T00:06:00.000-04:00

Who would of known that after I posted that last post - I'd of found myself picking up Mia's (formerly known as Meg - and before that The Artist.) dog poo from my family room rug 1 wk later. Alright I'll give her that she's cute and affectionate and has the most angelic look when she wants to be petted... However she's a she-demon doggie that is bi-polar! . She steal's Stirling's (our first dog) toys and runs away, if she hangs around she growls at him. Stirling tends to ignore her which I think bugs her since with other dogs she's pretty friendly. Even so she never misses an opportunity to snatch his toy and head butt him out of the way if he's being petted by one of us. What a bitch! (literally!!) She's also had several accidents eventho we were told at the shelter she was housetrained. We understand she's probably still trying to settle in and get use to her new surrounds. I guess we asked for this since we wanted to get a companion for Stirling since he does spend alot of time on his own when we work..

But even with that we still shake our heads and wonder what doggie voodoo she has us under since we can't resist her and we're crossing our fingers for the day that Stirling and Mia become best of friends... (that and a stained free rug. ha!)

~j

Bamboozed at work

2004-07-30T00:58:00.000-04:00

Ever get the feeling that helping at work and trying to look commited at work so you can go forward in your career .. means you need to have no life? I cancelled 2 booked vacation days to help out at work in a different department. Only to have thoughts like "What the hell am I doing here? What am I suppose to do? WTF?!" Well, at least next month I still get to go to New York. Not travelling is an unnatural state for me. I LIVE TO TRAVEL, DAMMIT!

I love dim sum. I love to go to the Pearl at Queens Quay and I am going there tomorrow. The only Cantonese phrases I know is the name of some favourite dishes and how to ask for the bill lol. Also I know how to say "Happy New Year!" which I like to tell my best friend Pat any chance I get (even if its the middle of summer). Mmmmm... sui mei...

Bourne Again Critic

2004-07-26T07:04:00.000-04:00

Last weekend watched Bourne Supremacy. I won't colour it but I think I liked the first one better. First the plot was not the most creative, nor surprising at all. The baddies were pretty much black and white. I found myself missing the Run Lola Run girl and she was the most annoying thing in the first movie! The dynamic relationship between Joan Allen and Matt Damon was so stiff I found myself wondering how much time was left to the movie (and this was after the first hour!). I *will* admit the action scenes were great but the "shaky hand held cam" just gives me motion sickness. The last car chase scene though was excellent - it was like a car bumper ride gone mad! I'd have to say though it was the only thing that made the whole movie tolerable.

Even so it still made 53.5 million this opening weekend so obviously I don't know what I am talking about. ^_^

~j

Sexy Fruitz #1

2004-07-18T15:43:00.000-04:00

hello.

Am I the last person in the world to have a blog? If so, I'm sorry but I'm a bit slow. feh.

Today started with a scare. Well, actually yesterday - Richard (my S.O.) had a particularly bad asthma attack. But the prob was both his inhalers were almost empty. He tired one then other, trying to suck something - anything from that piece of plastic for some much needed respite.

Needless to say it was the middle of the night so no clinics were open. We thought he'd be okay after a night's sleep but I woke up more than once in the middle of the night seeing him sitting up, trying to control his breathing. He said it was like weights on his lungs and every breath he had to haul his lungs up with tremendous effort.

This morning I skipped work (shock horror) and took him to the hospital. Have you noticed when all you need is a prescription and they make you fill 101 different types of registration forms and you see like 3 different nurses to finally see the Doctor who basically hems and haws and says "Hmm. Well I'll get you that prescription" ...all the while Richard is trying not to go blue in the face due to lack of oxygen?

Luckily I found out where there was a 24 hour pharmacy in the next town so we were able to get his stuff and leave. And where do we go afterwards? Golden Griddle! as you would after spending hours in a hospital. Buffet morning breakfast no less! moohahahar our arteries have no hope now!

~j